Wednesday, 18 February 2009

  • Two Things Before I Die:

    Nowadays, the "bucket list" mentality is pretty popular. Loads of people out there are writing lists of things they want to accomplish, events they want to experience, and people they want to meet before they die. I think it's a great idea - carpe diem! Our days on this Earth are numbered, no matter what you believe. No one lives forever, and people are starting to adopt the idea that we should make this span of time "count" for something.

    I started putting together my list - but about an hour in, I realized I had digressed to writing things like "Be in the Guinness Book of World Records for something completely nonsensical" and "Be able to walk more than 10 feet in heels without falling over or looking mentally handicapped while attempting NOT to fall over" and other items that may never happen in my life. I stopped listing things and crossed out all of the ones that were completely hopeless.

    Then, it happened. I got cross-out happy. I started crossing out all of the silly ones, too - like "Track down my Kindergarten husband and see if he's still a bad kisser" and "Pee all over Lincoln Heights Middle School during a school day" and "Waltz naked inside City Hall in Philadelphia by myself" and things like that. Soon, my list shrank to two measly bullet points. Even though there are only two, I think they are the most important things in my entire life.

    1. Fall in love.

    All my life, I've wondered what it must be like to be head-over-heels in love. I got a small taste of that kind of affection when I dated a guy in high school. I still remember the first time he held my hand - it was like magic. We were in the backseat of his parents' car getting a ride home from the Homecoming dance in 10th grade, and he scooted his hand over on the seat to touch mine. Within fifteen tension-locked minutes, we both worked up enough courage to awkwardly hold hands for the last ten minutes of the car ride. I could feel myself smiling hugely and I couldn't stop. My heart went wild. After I got home, I took off my dress, put on my pajamas, and got into my bed. My eyes were wide open and my heart hadn't stopped pounding. I felt like one of those cartoon characters that falls in love and a heart-shaped lump races out of their chest, stretching their clothes as it pumps wildly. I'm (obviously) not in love with him anymore, but I want that feeling back. I wonder what it will be like to feel that again - the achey feeling that makes you want to either curl up in the fetal position or sprint down the street screaming. I haven't felt that in six years. It doesn't even matter if I fall into the abyss of unrequited love (I'm sure it will matter then, but now I'm just desperate) - I just really want to have a face to put into my daydreams.

    2. See Jesus come back.

    As long as I can remember, the return of Jesus has been hugely important to me. It seemed like a fairy tale - but better. This one will actually happen. I remember the first time I heard the story of Simeon - God promised him that he'd be alive when Jesus was born, and he met Joseph, Mary, and Jesus at the temple at a very old age. Every night after that, I prayed for Simeon's blessing. I didn't care how old I'd be when Jesus came back, I just wanted to be alive when he did. I love that no one knows when, and I adore that no one knows how. I hate those "Left Behind" books and the "Last Days Chronicles", because there's a reason that no one knows the specifics. It's a surprise! Why would you want to know what you're getting for Christmas? There might be trumpets, there might be a huge burst of light, or there might be saxophones and an awesome gospel choir. Think about it: What if I get to feel the real hands of Jesus plucking me out of this world and into his heavenly kingdom? That's when I get to see the one man I've been irrevocably in love with my entire life. That's when he finally pulls me into his carpenter arms and gives me the hug I've been waiting for.

    What's on your list?



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