So sorry to all of my avid readers (I know I may have fudged a bit while using the word "avid", but it makes me feel more loved), I've been far too strange to write anything lately. Do you ever have several weeks at a time when you feel so uncharacteristically "un-you"? I haven't been acting like myself lately, but I don't think it's a bad thing. Normally, I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants type gal with nothing but snatches of inner turmoil and memories to keep myself busy. I write a lot about my heart, or I take seemingly insignificant moments and create melodramatic pieces of literature that no one really cares about - with the exception of myself, of course. I normally write about my undying love for Jesus...or the fact that I like the turgidity of water on the top of an almost-too-full glass.
I graduated high school in a very pretty dress of blue and white. Last month, the poor strained zipper barely made it halfway up my back fat before it choked out in a fit of despair. This morning, I slid the zipper up with ease - and no strange puffy fat rolls protruded out of the arm holes, either. I am the proud loser of fifty pounds since Christmas.
Warning: If you know me well, what I am about to say might shock you. Make sure you are seated before you read the next remark.
(I'm not sure why you would be standing up while reading my blog, but it seemed like an appropriate thing to say)
I started counting calories and eating low-fat stuff.
This is exceedingly UNLIKE me. I loathe anything having to do with numbers. (or anything NOT having to do with unhealthy food, for that matter) Even though I can stumble my way through telling time on an analog watch, I prefer to ask someone the time to save myself the headache. When I was in third grade, we were instructed to go through and memorize multiplication facts. I quickly rattled off my 2s, 9s, 5s, 10s, and 11s (up to 9x11). I let the complicated ones be because I didn't feel like it was worth my time. I never learned them. I've done horribly in every math course that prohibits the use of a calculator.
But now, I count calories in food. How silly!
I also exercise.
"What?!"
I used to make fun of people that went to the gym. I thought they seemed a bit narcissistic to always be in front of those horrible mirrors, treading on treadmills that never went anywhere. This is how I got over my aversion to the gym:
Turn the stupid machine AWAY from the mirror!!!! That way, I don't have to watch the pounds I have yet to lose thrashing all over the place, looking like a soggy mess of a human being.
Here's another thing I've been doing. (This is a real shocker, too, but not as huge as the math-hating calorie-counter) I've gone tanning a few times...
....and....
...I really enjoy it.
"Fake-n-baking?! NO WAY!"
Yes, way. I find it relaxing and it makes my skin look nice.
Even though I have been indulging in strange behaviors, I am reminded that I am still irrevocably "me". I need people more than air. I have made such wonderful and beautiful friends. They are the new-found glue that holds my sanity in place. If I hadn't moved to Texas, I would never have become close with these incredible people.
I met Heather on the ship. When I first moved here, I lived in her house for a month. We have been getting closer recently, and I couldn't enjoy it more. The boys we hang out with refer to us as "the girls" and I kind of like it. With Heather, I can "geek out" and not have to worry if she'll still like me. I can be as much of a girl as I want around her without feeling like a ditz.
Aaron is an artist, and he is very intentional when working on a piece. For Aaron, the beginning and the end of the project are the two scariest parts. He doesn't want to start off with a mistake, and he always second-guesses himself at the end. "Should I do something else here? NO. I don't want to ruin it... But what if it needs another splash of pink?" Dear Aaron is nothing if not genuinely friendly. His heart is swollen with how much he loves his friends. Even though I let him in on scary ghosts from my past, he takes everything in stride and is nearly always available for a hug. He inspires me to write more intentionally (and more often).
Jared is called "Jigga". I have no idea why, but it fits him. Picture this: "The Dude" in the Big Lebowski had some outfits that looked nice, lost the drugs and booze - but kept the silly personality and a few quirky wardrobe choices. He takes fantastic photographs and lives with Aaron. Here's one of my favorite things about this new friend: Jigga has an authentic interest in other people - rare these days. When he asks me a question about my life, I feel like he actually wants to hear the answer.
These are only three examples of reasons why moving to Texas was a blessing instead of a curse.
Sometimes, God works very slowly. I didn't realize how much he'd done until I started writing tonight. I've stayed up far too late, but it's been worth it. God has given me friendships, a wonderful job, a great place to live, and the energy to be healthier and happier.
I am not content, I am happy. The word "content" makes God's blessings sound like a compromise. This is no compromise. I am so happy that God placed me here, and I couldn't be more thankful for what he's done in me during the past six months.
He's a brilliant being.
Comments (8)
Congrats on the pay off of all that self-discipline!!!! Content is wonderful.
Mmmmmmmm lettuce
I don't think I can picture you doing this ^^
@Obscure_Fiction - hahah not lettuce - but I like spinach!! Hahahahah! It is rather strange.
Emily I am so happy that you are really living out The potential in your life! This is something that me and God are still working on a little. I miss you! and so does mike... he told me the other day, he was like "I miss Emily" totally out of the blue. tee hee, you are loved!
Emily, I'm rejoicing with you and your accomplishments, and your friends, and your happiness.
BTW congrats on your discipline. When you want something badly enough....is when your colors shine through. And.......ryc:
@mlehaymes - So far, he is really trying to do exactly what you "think" he can't. He is attempting to subvert the Constitution and he has created a debt so enormous, economists say we will "never" be out of debt. He has opened our borders to terrorists. He has presided over the infanticide of the unborn, not only in America...but worldwide. So....what can you tell me, so far, what benefit has he accomplished? If you tell me that it was George W. Bush who created this financial dilemma....you would be absolutely wrong. It was "slick" willie Clinton in August of 1999 and a Liberal/Democrate Congress. Mr. Bush inherited that mess and hes blamed for it......when all we had to do is "remember" our recent history.
So, dear, what is it you like/support about him? Please, do give me an answer.
@GrapiesWordsofWisdom - I didn't really want to get into a political argument, it just sucks to see so many Obama-bashers out there. Even with Bush - I didn't like seeing him get torn apart like that, even though I didn't like him very much. They're just men - no one's perfect. I think Obama is a great man with a different view on abortion than mine. I admire his courage in taking on leading a country - I don't think I could do that.
Emily. The only thing I ever do on Xanga is maybe write, and read your entries. Can you pick up the pace? (;
kidding. You're busy! I am too. ): Work is sucking the life out of me. I hope you're doing well and taking care of yourself. Go get a pedicure or something. I have a funny story about one of those. haha.